Give me some space, man

Have you noticed how swiftly we’ve moved through the social distancing spectrum?

Initially we all felt somewhat shamefaced about having to shun strangers in the street. So we treated everyone like our least-favourite neighbours, crossing the road to avoid them and averting our eyes in hostile awkwardness as we did so. 

Then we started to embrace the concept, smiling and nodding across the road in an embarrassed, “I-know-this-is-silly-but-these-are-the-rules” kind of way.

Now, however, some of us have become social-distancing zealots who glare at anyone who gets too close. And others have become space-invading mavericks who walk where they please, forcing everyone else to duck and dive out of their way. 

Social-distancing rage is everywhere. Dog-owners hurl abuse at each other for encroaching on their ball-throwing space, while parents are berated for allowing their children to scamper within the sphere of others.

I’ve heard of a skateboarder who shouted at an old lady for being too slow to move out of his path. Then there was the woman in Scotland who whipped out a tape measure to calculate the distance between two friends chatting to each other in the street. One of the men – who was 6ft 6in – actually lay down on the pavement to prove that he’d been standing more than the recommended two metres away.

Two points here. Who appointed this woman a member of the social-distancing police anyway? And why did she have a tape measure with her in the first place?

We’ve created a nation of monsters. Nobody wants to give – or receive – COVID-19. But maybe we should cut each other some slack. Because one day, hopefully in the not-too-distant future, we’ll all be squeezed together in a crowded tube once again. 

Oh, wait. I have an idea. Perhaps we could all wear modified versions of those zorb spheres? All we’d need is cut-outs for our legs and snorkels to breathe through, and we’d be safe in our own space because they’re typically around two metres in diameter. And we wouldn’t look silly at all.

Actually, while researching the size of these spheres I came across a true story of a woman who actually climbed into one of them and rolled to her local Morrison’s with a carer (to pick out her shopping). This was in late March and the woman in question was a germophobe (aren’t we all, suddenly?) Anyway, she managed to successfully navigate the meat and fish aisles but became stuck among the canned goods. And if you don’t believe me, here’s the proof:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L74rKM_8f9Q

Robbie and his mate James on a social-distancing catch-up

Comments

  1. SusanApril 23, 2020 at 2:55 AM

    All this from the woman whose, in happier times, closest brush with philosophy was to muse on whether to ordet a glass of wine (big) or a bottle (even bigger)

    ReplyDelete

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