Celebrities stand up to be counted

 A few weeks ago I marvelled at the fact that the Have I Got News For You panellists were broadcasting from their respective houses.

We were all given rare insights into the homes of familiar faces such as Paul Merton and Ian Hislop - a fascinating novelty.

Now it seems that everyone who is anyone is clamouring to invite us in to watch them act, sing songs, make jokes or generally attempt to entertain us from the comfort of their own homes.

The results have been mixed, I have to say. Watching our favourite celebs perform indoors with their overly-long hair and no make-up has been a revelation. And while some of them obviously struggle with the lack of an audience, others positively shine.

From the various clips I’ve seen of the Big Night In and the One World concert – both hugely praiseworthy money-spinners for the NHS, it has to be said – I’ve drawn a few conclusions. Warning: Personal Opinion Alert.

1.   Comedy sketches aren’t as funny without an audience telling us when to laugh. Stephen Fry as Black Adder’s Melchett talking to Prince William over Zoom was mildly entertaining, but were there any laughs to be had? None that I noticed.

2.   Some musicians need crowd feedback to bring them alive. We started watching Green Day’s Billie Joe Armstrong give a rendition of: “Wake me up when September ends” – a fitting song for the current climate. But he sang it with so little spark or vivacity that the title: “Wake me up when this interminable dirge ends” would have been more fitting.

3.   A good actor is perfectly capable of bringing a character to life from their own living room. I’m not a fan of Catherine Tate and don’t much like her teenage “Am I bovvered” persona, but her video-call sketch with David Tennant was slickly executed and even mildly amusing.

4.   Ageing singers should be wary of the current new no-frills format. Paul McCartney gave a good impression of someone’s embarrassing Dad as he murdered his own song Lady Madonna, while Elton John’s extraordinarily lisping rendition of “I’m Still Standing” made him sound as though a wasp had stung him on the tongue. And he clearly wasn’t standing.

5.   Lockdown TV works best if you embrace the format. I’m no lover of Little Britain, but Matt Lucas and David Walliams had fun with the split screen thing, pretending to pass each other signs and getting them the wrong way round. And their improvised wigs from bits of old material and toilet roll cores highlighted our current situation in an engaging way. But the best at-home performance by far in my view was the Rolling Stones on One World singing You Can’t Always Get What You Want. They “entered” the four-way split screen one by one for dramatic effect, with Charlie Watts coming in last and pretending to play on suitcases and bits of furniture because he doesn’t have a drum-kit at home. All we can do at this point is to use what we have with humour and panache - and the Stones nailed it.