When life is one long outbreak film

You know what they say. You can choose your friends, but you can’t choose your lockdown buddies.

This is where we found ourselves when the music stopped. And we remain petrified in position as though stopped in our tracks by lava from a virtual volcano.

Lockdown will no doubt be a big test for relationships. Courting couples had to choose whether to self-isolate together or separately - and then stick with that decision. I know of one young couple who have chosen not to co-habit, which means they’re no longer allowed within two metres of each other. 

The man can only speak to his fiancee online or by calling up to her on her balcony Romeo-style. Their wedding is set for July, but they are understandably nervous.

Personally I am happy with my lockdown housemates. Brian and Robbie are good-humoured, funny and upbeat and I love them both very much. But I do sometimes wonder what it would have been like to have had a female lockdown companion.

I’m pretty sure that my friend Jane and her daughter, Emma, are busily working their way through their romcom back catalogue, settling down happily each evening with a glass of rose and the likes of Pretty Woman, 27 Dresses or Mamma Mia.

In my (admittedly limited) experience, Mamma Mia is where most men draw the line. Though I can’t for the life of me understand the reasons behind their vehement disapproval of this harmless, happy romp.

I on the other hand, as a housemate of two men, have had to sit through every dystopian pandemic film going. First there was Contagion (unsettling and bleak) followed by Outbreak (more gung-ho, but similarly grim). Next was 28 Days Later (gory and depressing) and then last night we watched Containment.

This is a film about a bunch of people in a block of flats who wake up one morning to find that all the doors and windows have been glued shut. Meanwhile, people in hazmat suits prowl around outside to ensure that none of the “infected” can escape.

Now, why would people who are stuck inside their homes want to watch a film about people who are….literally stuck inside their homes? 

Escapism it isn’t. Give me a bunch of ageing actors belting out Abba tunes on a sunny Greek island any day.

Escapism it ain't.